My cousin's wedding

Last Saturday was my cousin's wedding (daughter of my dad's sister). It was a totally 'strange' experience.
I remembered we used to play together when we're still STUPID kids. Grandma always had to take care of us naughty ones. In fact, what she did was 'trapping' us into her room and let us SCREAMED and JUMPED around. I remembered my cousin and I liked to play girlie stuffs like dolls. Anyway, we're like good mates.
Things started to change when we're older, it's just about P.5 or P.6 that we hardly saw each other, contacted and talked to. Something went WRONG. Even if we saw each other, we felt embarrassed to initiate anything, like a chat. It's as if we're not meant to do things like we did before. It was around the time when I went up to secondary school.
Should I blame my dad for being tall and 'educated'? My cousin (and all other cousins) and even my aunts (my dad's sisters) always said (and even go as far as 'criticised') that our family (dad, my BIG brother and I) was strange as to be so tall (dad and brother were 5'10" ONLY and I was like 5'7"). And they're like... sorry to say, 'dwarves' to us (on average, they're not even 5-feet tall). They even isolated us as we're the 'educated' ones, saying things like 'Oh, you SMART ones wouldn't bother to talk to us STUPID lots'. It sounded nonsensical coz I treated them as relatives, not STRANGERS. If appearance and education do matter to them, we can't do anything but step back.
That's how my cousin and I have been putting our relationship farther and farther - till we've grown to keep our eye contact to the minimum.
And that's what all these have taken me to - a state of 'calmness'. I don't laugh too loud, cry too much and say... a lot (or simply, don't say anything).
Sitting in the round table with 11 other relatives around me, I couldn't feel anything but the alienation that has been overwhelming for years.

One touch is like confession.